Permission?

This quest to find the real me was starting to feel a little too self indulgent and high maintenance. I mean I know it's not an easy thing to do, but should I really be focusing on this journey and making myself a priority?

I cam across two articles this week that helped me answer that question. The first was an awesome blog post (actually the whole blog is awesome) written by Gala Darling - How to cope with a quarter-life crisis. Now everybody has heard of a mid-life crisis, I'd even heard the term quarter-life crisis but had never given it much thought. When I came across Gala's post, it really hit home, this is me. As I went through her symptoms list, checking things off it became clear, this is where I am in my life.

• Feeling like you’re not doing well enough. CHECK
• Frustration & disillusionment with the working world. CHECK
• Feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are. CHECK
• Anxiety over close relationships. Not so much
• Feeling extremely bored with your social life (otherwise known as, “Oh my god, I will throw myself out the window if I have to go to another party at her house”) Somewhat
• Nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university (this often manifests itself as an obsession with looking at old photographs or reading journals & reminiscing) CHECK
• Feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby. NO!
• ...Or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in. MAJOR CHECK
• Financial stress or confusion. CHECK
• Intense loneliness. Not so much
• Feeling that everyone is doing better than you. CHECK
• Terror at the concept of getting “old”. Not so much
• Wondering “Is that all there is?” MAJOR CHECK
• A vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic & depression. CHECK

With this info, I decided to google that shit. How many other women have been through this and were kind enough to share their thoughts and lessons? Google gave me some answers, 40 million actually but I haven't gone through all of them lol. I found a few interesting accounts, like this one. But after a while I went back to Gala's post and devoured the rest of it. She gives some pretty bloody good advice and insights.

The thing I realised was that in order to be me, to find out who I really am, what I want to do, how I want to live, I've got to invest invest in this journey. I have to have patience and faith in myself. I have to take it slowly, listen to my inner voice and stay curious. If I don't do these things for me, who will?

So, permission granted. I will make myself and this journey a priority.