Hello There!

Hi! Remember me? Wow, what a crappy blogger I've been hey. My poor blog just sitting here idle, feeling all neglected. I’ll happily admit that I have no excuse, no momentous happenings that bought forth the resounding silence. No, I guess I got distracted by life. Not that anything exciting has been happening, same shit different day really. Well not, that’s not exactly true. There has been some changes in the last few months. Small ones, imperceptible to most people I suppose, but as the saying goes, from little things, big things grow.

Change #1 – Walking

I've always loathed exercise, hated even the thought of it. But a few months ago, I visited the GP for something minor and I left having had a full set of blood tests done. Let’s just say that the results, while not completely unexpected, were quite the wakeup call. To be told I was heading towards a slew of medications at the tender age of 31, was slightly alarming to say the least. So I decided to buy myself a pair of sneakers and start walking. After all, since ‘The Wrecker’ started school this year I’ve got three days each week to myself. So that’s what I'm doing. Each Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I pull on my sneakers, crank up the tunes on my iPhone and walk. If you follow my instagram feed, you will have seen the shots of our beautiful local beach that I walk along. I started out doing about 1.5kms and now I'm up to 4kms. To my amazement, it hasn't been hard and I am really enjoying it. I feel much better within myself, happier, more positive, less moody and less stressed. It’s been a very positive change.

Change #2 – Loving myself

That probably sounds self-indulgent, but it’s something most women should think about. About the same time that I started walking, I started to feel restless with the way I look. Not in the way that you might think. It dawned on me one day that twelve years ago when I met Mr Mess, I never left the house without make-up  my hair was always done and I wouldn't be caught dead making a trip to Woolies in my trackies. Apparently twelve years, one husband, two kids and one dog can (and does) change a girl. I got to thinking that perhaps one of the big reasons why I'm not happy with the way I look is because I don’t put a whole lot of effort in. But why would I? I hated my body, loathed it and when I dislike something to that extent, I tend to ignore it. Well, no more I decided. I went and got all my hair cut off, I started a new skincare routine and I made the effort to put on a little make-up even if I was only dropping the boys off at school. I went in search of wardrobe inspiration, I turned to the fatshion bloggers of the world to see how other plus size women embraced their size and dressed for themselves rather than society. In my travels I discovered Jessica Kane. This woman, her outlook on life and enthusiasm for fashion, has single-handedly changed my attitude towards being a plus size woman. Although it’s hard to change a lifetime of self-loathing and negative internal dialogue, I'm well on my way to self-acceptance, inner peace and happiness.

Change #3 – Ambition

I've had a long held dream of opening up my own little cupcake shop. While, my husband is right behind the idea and I know in my heart that I could rock the socks off the idea, I’m realistic. Such a venture takes a lot of moolah to get started and while I’m hopeful of one day achieving this, at the moment it’s a pipe dream. <--- That there is one big realisation that’s been two years in the making. I held on to this dream with two hands for so long, we tried so hard to realise it and it wasn't easy to loosen my grip but I have and that in itself in making way for more changes. I'm trying to work out what else there is in this world that I can “do” with my life. I still feel a little lost, but I do still have a drive to succeed and excel. For so long I’ve defined myself as a mother and wife, but that’s no longer enough. Perhaps is a belated quarter life crisis. Possibly it’s a premature mid-life crisis. Maybe all mothers go through this at some point. Whatever the reason is, this need to be someone other than Mum, seems to be a driving force. All I ever wanted was to be a Mum and now I want, I need, so much more.

I'm excited to see where these simple changes will take me. I'm looking forward to sharing more of the real Emma, as I find out just who she is.

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